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When the strip club came up short, I set out for a nearby brothel that felt like it shared an interior decorator with the hotel from the . Seeing as I was alone, I stripped down to nothing and took a look around.

Just as I was getting ready to leave, a young blonde named lil_meg strolled up behind my bare ass.

After another couple hours of boner-killing login attempts and software crashes, I retired for the night.

In the roughly four hours I wasted trying to get the game up and running, I could have signed on to Grindr, Tinder, Scruff or even walked 10 minutes to my local gay bar, picked up a flesh-and-blood human, done the deed, washed my ass and been in bed.

I skipped the dance floor and found a neon sign beckoning me into what turned out to be a completely empty male strip club.

As it turned out, the only dick I'd see would be my own.

She invited me to her place to bone so I summoned the part of my Kinsey score that previously enabled late night makeout sessions with the opposite sex.

If I couldn't have all the digital dicks, one virtual vagina would have to do.

I'd come across Red Light Center during my "first-hand quest for the future of sex." The adult massively multiple online role-playing game is an interactive world akin to the SIMs that allows players to interact with each other using teledildonics.

It's been decades since I've played video games with any regularity, but a video game you can stick your dick in? Red Light Center boasts virtual worlds for furries, gays, public sex, BDSM, even high-class call girls. I could and would have sex with all the people, maybe even that cat-woman hybrid thing I'd seen in the advertisement.

That night I fell asleep frustrated, but hopeful, chalking it up to human error. Maybe there was a steeper learning curve than I'd expected.

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  1. When you see the watch name appear, select it and confirm the connection. The Android Wear app then checks for updates, which might take some time to download, and you'll also be asked which of the Google accounts registered on your phone you want to use with your watch (this syncs contacts, messages, music and so on over).

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