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I tried to tell them about what had happened, but they almost convinced me that it was only a nightmare.

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My eyes widened in fright as her saggy, wrinkled body began to throb.

A vertical line passing over her distended belly stretched and deformed, the skin tearing apart and forming a bloodless cleft into the depths of her gut.

But this was, of course, a greatest hits performance at its core, which triumphantly recounted all the artist born Cherilyn Sarkisian has accomplished across the last 55 (!

) years and one of the most significant — and re-inventive — careers in American entertainment history. 1 single on a Billboard chart in six different decades? The 90-minute performance was expectedly maximalist and mega-glam, featuring eight costume changes that sampled from various world royalties and some of Cher’s most iconic looks.

Everyone's story was the exact same: they went to bed upstairs, woke up downstairs.

What happened between those hours, none of us ever found out, but we all had the same to say about when Granny opened up.A few fashion highlights: While all the costume switches certainly slowed the set — this downtime coupled with the inclusion of the ABBA hits meant leaving fan favorites like “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves,” “Half-Breed” and “Dark Lady” on the cutting room floor — this remained a genuinely captivating performance from an artist who somehow has barely lost a step.Cher never took a song off, never lip-synced (her microphone did provide the patented autotune effect for her ‘90s dance hits like “Believe”) and even partook in some light choreography with her troupe of 10 explosive backup dancers, who bounded around her, up and down the symmetrical staircases that flanked the seven-piece band and created a two-tier stage.“I always wonder if you’re clapping because I’m not dead yet, or because I can still fit into my costumes,” Cher demurred Friday night in Newark, after a thunderous ovation provided by her first New Jersey audience in five years.The pop luminary, now 73 and a cool 15 years removed from her supposed “farewell tour,” is back on the road for her “Here We Go Again World Tour,” in ostensible support of her new “Dancing Queen” ABBA covers album, which in turn was linked to her matriarchal role in the 2018 blockbuster musical film “Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again!Then one day he finds a huge collection of jewels in a biscuit tin and discovers she was once a notorious burglar, the Black Cat, though she was never caught as she never tried to sell her spoils.

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